You Gave Too Much, And Broke Your Own Heart

I am so truly and incredibly sorry. I cannot begin to even fathom how I let this happen to you. You used to be so lively, so full of ambition and drive; what happened? Now, you find yourself struggling to find the light, to go to school, or to do anything that could benefit you in some way.

It all happened so fast. Everything had taken a turn for the worst, and I didn’t do anything to stop it. Nothing has ever been perfect for you, though. Even though things haven’t always been ideal, things had been significantly better than they are now. The past year of your life specifically, has been the craziest thus far. You have been through hell and back, and I give you all the credit in the world for being such a warrior. Sadly, in the process, you lost so much of yourself; and again, I’m so sorry.

 You fell in love, and when you fell, you fell hard. This was the first time you felt such deep and intense feelings and it was so simple to get so engulfed in the flames of your relationship. So much so, that you didn’t even notice yourself slipping away. Suddenly, you find yourself becoming helplessly dependent on the other person. Not intentionally of course, it just happened so naturally. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you subconsciously started feeling morally responsible for this other human. Everything they felt, you felt too. The worst part was, they didn’t want even really want you. Nothing you did helped, no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough.

As time went on, it just became more and more exhausting and draining. Fucked up, isn’t it? You seemed to forget, not everyone has the same heart as you. It was seen as a weakness, and you allowed it to be one. You have the kindest soul, but had not enough backbone. This seemed to be a common trend in your life thus far, too. You gave your heart and soul to a person who simply couldn’t give it back. You spent so much time trying to justify the fact that you didn’t deserve better. That your circumstance, giving so much and getting so little in return; was just how it would always be, because they told you, “I love you” and “I won’t give up on you.” All things that you would eventually come to realize were one hundred percent complete lies. You continued to tell yourself that everything was okay because you so desperately wanted to believe that things would get better and all the hardship and pain would be worth it in the end. But just like many other times, you were so wrong.

Your self-worth and self-esteem slowly began to plummet lower and lower the longer you stayed. The more you realized that things weren’t changing, that the “appreciation” just wasn’t enough, things just deteriorated more and more. See, what happened was, you gave much too much of yourself away, and in this, lost who you truly were. You deserve so much better than what you have been handed in the past. One day, somebody will love you for all that you are and so much more. You will never be too much for someone to handle. They will honestly and truly appreciate every little genuine thing that you do for them. You will get love that is reciprocated and healthy. But for now, you just need to try and not lose yourself too much. Gain that spark back, show everyone what a true light you are. But most of all, promise me, that you will never let anyone make you feel anything less than beautiful, loved, and appreciated. Everything happens for a reason, so don’t lose hope just yet. Oh, and please try to love yourself. I know it is so incredibly difficult to, but just try. I’m trying, too.

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